America bails out Bush

Here’s how it went down. Either the Bush administration meant well, and they thought spending hundreds of billions of dollars to (set up a democracy in Iraq/ create an ally in the Middle East/ put pressure on Iran/ pick your answer really) while funneling oil back home was a sound preemptive attack policy—and somehow none of this would stir up a hornet’s nest of counterinsurgency activity—OR the Bush administration thought spending hundreds of billions of dollars to set up a base of operations in the Middle East, while having U.S. and friendly countries pump the oil (or control the pumping of the oil) to back home was a pretty f*cking great idea—and damn the insurgents! “Bring ‘em on!” Freedom’s coming! We’ll be greeted as liberators, Dicky Cheney said.

All it took was WMDs! WMDs! “We don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud…We know he has weapons of mass destruction…Any country with an active intelligence program knows [Saddam Hussein and Iraq] have weapons of mass destruction…It’s been pretty well confirmed that Atta [one of the 9-11 suicide highjackers] met with senior Iraqi officials…We’re going after terrorists and those who harbor terrorists…We’re gonna have a War on Terror…We’re gonna smoke ‘em out…”

What the f*ck were these guys doing? How did they get their balls on their faces to tell ball-faced lies like that? It is absolutely staggering the Trillions of Dollars that were stolen from the American People, stolen from the U.S. Treasury…money that could have been used to pave our roads, maintain our bridges, put solar electricity on school rooftops, and modernize our hospitals. Or how about this? What if we were funding China’s Debt, instead of the other way around? Bush came in with a $200 billion surplus (that was projected to be a $5.7 Trillion surplus over the next 10 years, from 2000-2010, if not for the dot-com bust). The economy was shits-and-giggles during the Clinton years compared to the dilapidated state in which Bush left it. Yes, 9-11 happened. We went into Afghanistan: good. Let Osama bin Laden escape: bad. Invaded Iraq under false pretenses of WMDs and false accusations of an Iraq/ al Qaeda connection: priceless.

Halliburton did so f*cking good in the Iraq War the company moved its headquarters from Houston, Texas to Dubai, United Arab Emirates in the Middle East .No Shit! Dick Cheney was their CEO, in between being Defense  Secretary under George Bush, the First (why does this sound like a monarchy?), and being Vice President under George W. Bush, not junior thank you very much. What an ornery cuss this guy is. I wouldn’t want to have a beer with him. Does anybody else remember when newscasters used that metaphor for George W. Bush? “Beer Man.” Voters wanted to have a beer with him, despite him being a recovering alcoholic. I mean, where the f*ck is Godot? It was Theatre of the Absurd, from color-coded, terror-alert signals (Oh, it’s yellow! Am I supposed to bring a sweater now?—Bill Maher) to so fresh & so clean Colin Powell being duped to show a vial of cocaine at the United Nations and telling the world it was Anthrax or some kind of biological weapon. Bush knows what good blow tastes like. It stings in the nostrils and stings dripping down the back of the throat, and numbs the tongue and lips. You’re so f*cking on the Universe’s wave length…all you want to do is talk about how great everything is, and how you know how to accomplish it…and you’re with your friends who also like to do a bump every once in a while. And they’re listening to what you’re saying because you’ve got the bag, and they’re agreeing with you as you chop up a fat line.

Oh, and the shoes did fly. But George is a quick one. He’s so wily he made his name one letter: W. Double-U is one of those really f*cked up letters. En Español it makes mucho mas sense. A little Spanglish for ya, as Bush would break out when visiting Spanish speaking contingents. I mean, have you heard the man speak our native tongue? You can imagine how he’s butchering Spanish if you’ve heard him ground and pulverize “the Queen’s English,” as the Brit in Basterds said. Anyway, W. in español is double-V. Makes total sense. It looks like a double V. W. So why not call it Double-V in English? See what I mean? W is one of those really f*cked up letters. It looks like two Vs, but we use it to make a Whee sound. But the letter usually never stands alone. We deal with it by putting it in front of other letters to make words, like that one. “T”—tea: a drink; tee: the initial stroke of the ball in golf, or the wooden stick that holds the golf ball; turn left at the “T” in the road. I feel like Sesame Street—oh, how I miss you 1970s Sesame Street…1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12. Look at the letter “T” and see that it is not such a f*cked up letter, compared with W. I can’t think of anyone who used this singular-letter nickname in all of history. I can’t think of any object or tool or beverage or activity that requires anyone to say “Gimme that there W…over by the W…put up the W on top of the W.” Nope, that I don’t recall. In fact, by appropriating W.—his middle initial, which stands for Walker—as his nome de politic, Bush, Jr. took a really f*cked up letter that nobody had used before as a nomenclature for anything in particular (and probably no one ever will again) and made it his nickname. (If you like a nickname you keep it; if you don’t like a nickname you don’t let nobody call you by it.) It’s kind of like Napoleon taking an ordinary, albeit goofy-looking all around by today’s standards, hat…and turning it sideways. It wasn’t like twisting a baseball cap to the side. Napoleon looked like he had Mickey Mouse ears, but more shaped like ski jumps on either side of his head. No one has worn a hat like that since. Napoleon was one of a kind. Hopefully, so is W.

Because what that guy did, what he and his goons and cronies and corporate welfare crooks did, is unspeakable. That’s why I’m writing it down.

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
Napoleon Bonaparte

The semi-colon.


If you wish to be a success in the world, promise everything, deliver nothing.
Napoleon Bonaparte

9-11 rubble promise with bullhorn in hand and arm around a rescue worker.


“We’re gonna build an ownership society.” Subprime-Financial Meltdown, aka The Great Recession.

In politics stupidity is not a handicap.
Napoleon Bonaparte

“They misunderestimated me.”

Men are moved by two levers only: fear and self interest.
Napoleon Bonaparte

“Enriched uranium from Africa…nucular [sic] weapons…interests in the Middle East.”


“We need $700 billion dollars to bail out Wall Street speech.”

* Napoleon’s words are the same kind of dogmatic assertions that Dubya was fond of. Napoleon called himself Emperor, Bush acted like one.  We are all worse off for George W. Bush having control of the levers of power in the United States from January 2001 to January 2009. The Great Recession is the result of Republican Party Rule.

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