Thank you, Obama

Regulate on those Wall Street crooks. Yeah, yeah, there are some good people in the financial industry, I know. I’m just talking about the crooks.

Trillions of dollars in derivatives? Sheet! But we got a-hold of them wily Wall Streeters nah. They ain’t gonna be tradin’ no Collateralized Debt Obligations (CDOs) and credit default swaps behind our backs no more. No more hedgefund betting out of sight, no more sheisty dealings, like when Christopher Cox was the S.E.C. copper that Bush put on the Wall Street beat.

Yeah, you listen up Wall Street, if you know what’s good for ya. Think about the Golden Rule from nah’on: “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.” Ya greedy ba-stahds! Try to have a conscience, for Cris’sakes. We need regulation because you couldn’t behave yerselves. Madoff is not the man to follow, unless you want to end up in jail.

Try to make an honest living on Wall Street.

Yoda: “Do or do not. There is no try.”

Ok, make an honest living on Wall Street.

Remember, the moral of Wall Street the movie is “Greed is not good.” Watch it again: Charlie Sheen goes to jail for trading his conscience, morals and ethics away for money. Greed is not good. That’s what Oliver Stone has been trying to tell you thick-headed crooks since 1987. Christ! We need Liberal Arts majors and people who can perform literary analysis more than ever. Your skills of math and number-crunching are no good to civilization if you continually cause Great Recessions and Great Depressions, Savings and Loan scandals, and DotCom busts. And Enron and WorldCom, and AIG. And Goldman Sachs, the “Vampire Squid.” And the Ghosts of Christmas Past: Merrill Lynch, Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns, et al.

Make an honest living on Wall Street.

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